Why this one hurts the most

I’ve been on this sub multiple times. Maybe with 2-3 different accounts because of shame and relapses. I’ve suffered from gambling (options trading) for the last 5 years. I thought all other blow ups were bad but I realize now that it was mostly ego about failing at trading. I thought my financial losses were bad then but the are much worse now.

In this most recent blow up, I blew through all my savings and a long term investment account that I saved brick by brick over the last few years. Once or twice I would full port into a position to recover a loss and it worked until it didn’t and piece by piece I’ve lost my savings and lost an investment account I was going to use for my kid’s for college- an that is the dagger that kills me.

In all other aspects of my life I try to be responsible and hard working healthy and savvy. But behind the screen I am someone different and that is the addiction that I have to come to terms with. With this incident I am committing to end the cycle. And be accountable for everything in my life. Let Thank you for having this space to vent.