my life is turning to caca

trigger warning: si

hi everyone. I’m a college student and I’ve recently found out my roommates hate me, like HATE me. I’ve done all I could to communicate to them and correct my wrongdoings as a roommate but I’ve seen the messages they send to each other and their friends. They can’t wait to block me when the school year is over, they call me a bitch, they call me dirty, make jokes with roach emojis, and they make sure to plan parties and specifically not invite me. To make a long story short they are partially the reason I’ve entered treatment for the extreme thoughts I’ve been having to relapse and hurt myself. The issue is that we used to be extremely close to the point where we would hang out every day, and now they don’t even acknowledge me. All of their friends were my friends, so now that they have distanced themselves from me, I have no friends.

Honestly I’ve put in a change of housing assignment because it’s gotten so bad, but it really has come to a tipping point. The other night they were discussing a big trip to Vegas college seniors take at the end of the year. They were talking about what they’re wearing, how they’re getting there, what they’re gonna do, what they’re gonna drink, etc. all while knowing I’m the only one not going because I didn’t even get invited. AND there’s even a party soon that I have found out I’m the only one not invited, all because they would discuss it while I’m in the room. I don’t know what to do anymore man, I’m tired, I’m a stem major and I’m physically and mentally drained because of that too. like why tf am I still here, it’s so draining. I’m trying to remember that it’s only temporary but when the only place u can find solace is the cattiest place u can possibly be it sucks the life out of you. thanks for listening everyone, hopefully some of u can relate and not feel alone.