The itch that never leaves

I’ve been clean a few months now. Maybe two? I don’t really keep track because it just upsets me resetting a tracker. Anyway the other day while at work I banged my outer wrist against a sharp metal pole, didn’t really scratch me maybe barely. But immediately my first thought when it happened was “god that felt good”. Now I can feel the urge coming back at every inconvenience or even just for the thrill. I just feel… disappointed in myself and nervous I might relapse again.