It's taken me 15 years to realize that I was groomed

I'm sure this has been drudged up for me due to all the coverage concerning the "Files" lately, but I've got to talk to someone about it before I explode. When I was 14, I started working at a small mom and pop restaurant one summer. I worked there intermittently until I was 18 but it was when I was 15 that I had met him. I'll refer to him as T later on. He was almost exactly 20 years my senior, had been married and divorced, with 3 children that I knew of. I, on the other hand, was young and dumb with paralyzing depression and anxiety. My self-esteem was in shambles. I had just spent the last six months going to and from my grandparents' house (who lived quite the distance away from us) with my mother to help care for her mom. My grandma was dying of cancer at the time, my mother had just graduated with her master's degree, and my dad was being a selfish pig. It was a rough time.

I don't really know how it started since all of the staff would talk to each other at work, but I remember one day T had handed me a piece of paper with his phone number on it before close. I was an idiot and lonely and decided to text him to vent. We had a very friendly report with one another for months before I started noticing him subtly flirting with me. The attention hungry teen in me ate up the attention. It made me feel mature and interesting. Looking back, I can clearly see his game and how easily I fell for it. The summer after I turned 16 though was when he made his move and took my v-card. I used to sneak out of my bedroom window to meet him at night because if I didn't, he would come knocking on it and he knew I was terrified of my parents finding out. Again, I now realize that this was just a way to control me.

Luckily, he moved on to a different job, and I didn't have to see him as often. I finally cut things off when he started to get crazy possessive. He would talk about getting a reverse vasectomy to try and get me pregnant to "permanently bind me" to him. Or he'd talk about asking my dad if he could marry me... I was 17 at the time. Unfortunately for me though, he never quite went away. About once a year, usually when I was at a low in my life, he'd reappear in my inbox. For an embarrassingly long time, I would fall for his charade over and over again. I do wonder if he was keeping tabs on me somehow. Even 15 years down the road he occasionally will make a new Facebook account and try and talk to me.

I've got 4 kids now, an AMAZING husband who I was able to confide in with all of this and who has helped me work through my struggles with it, and parents who are still completely unaware that any of it had happened. A part of me wants to tell them. Another part of me is terrified that they will only judge me. I've grown up hearing my dad complain about rape victims and state those stupid questions like "Well what was she wearing?" and "Was she asking for it?" or "I bet she was a tease."... and then sitting there watching my mother say nothing. I love them so much, but my trust in their ability to be compassionate is faulty at best. I worry about my own kids. How do I prevent this? Will I be able to recognize the signs? How can I build them up so that this kind of vulnerability, isn't even in the cards for them? Transparency without making them feel like I'm projecting...

If you've gotten this far, thank you for listening. If you've got kind words or helpful advice to share, I appreciate it and I wish you every happiness. And if you're T, screw you and I hope you rot.