My mom is allowed to have feelings but I am not.

My mom gets upset every time I try to open up to her. She says my emotions rub off on her and when I feel something she feels it too. I told her I felt anxious and she started venting to me, and then told me to go somewhere else or be quiet. She has heart-failure, caused by stress, and I want her to stay healthy, so I just try to not say anything most of the time.

She won’t let me go out to make friends, doesn’t let me go to an in-person school, won’t figure out if I have insurance so that I can see a therapist, and that leaves me with no option but her.

And she gets to vent to me all day long, even when I’m in my virtual classes, she gets to feel whatever she wants, freely, and I just have to go hide in the bathroom and cry because there’s no quiet spot in this house, not even my own bedroom.

I’m scared to even open up to her about how my grades are bad right now, but I don’t even have the motivation to brush my teeth or shower, I can sort of manage to keep the house decent and our animals all taken care of, but everything is so overwhelming.

I don’t know. I’m just tired, it feels like everything I feel is too much, and I feel so alone.