My dog died and I wasn’t there. I can’t forgive myself

My 10-yr-old childhood dog died in April last year. In the months preceding, he had a chesty cough. My 10-yr-old childhood dog died in April last year. In the months preceding, he had a chesty cough. 2 weeks before his death the vet did a heart scan and gave us medication for lung fluid. We just assumed it was a lung infection.

On the morning of his death he looked like he was struggling to breathe. He didn’t eat his plate of chicken. 😢 I thought his lungs were just filling with fluid and the vet could drain it. We took him to the vet and she said his prognosis was poor, we can either put him out of his misery or try to treat him. We were in total shock. I just wanted him to get better and we wanted to treat him. So the vet took him away, and said we couldn’t come in to the treatment room, suggested we go home and they’ll call us if he starts to get worse. So we went home. 40 mins later we got a call saying he had died. I don’t know why we didn’t stay…a year later I am devastated :( we got there 10 mins later and I was trying to talk to him…I knew hearing is the last thing to go but we were too late..Why didn’t we stay…I guess I thought we’d have time to say goodbye…it hurts me so badly I wish we just put him down painlessly. But it wasn’t painless. He was on oxygen and In the end he violently threw up all the liquid in his body and died.

It hurts so badly because I took videos on the morning, with his struggling to breathe, thinking i could show it to the vet at his next appointment..I took pictures with him 3 days before he died and he looked so so poorly and now I know why..😢I never would have thought he would die so soon.

What do I do I can’t handle the grief today. It got better but i look at his photos and i hate myself for not being there.😢

On the morning of his death he looked like he was struggling to breathe. He didn’t eat his plate of chicken. 😢 I thought his lungs were just filling with fluid and the vet could drain it. We took him to the vet and she said his prognosis was poor, we can either put him out of his misery or try to treat him. We were in total shock. I just wanted him to get better and we wanted to treat him.

So the vet took him away, and said we couldn’t come in to the treatment room, suggested we go home and they’ll call us if he starts to get worse. So we went home. 40 mins later we got a call saying he had died. I don’t know why we didn’t stay…a year later I am devastated :( we got there 10 mins later and I was trying to talk to him…I knew hearing is the last thing to go but we were too late..Why didn’t we stay…I guess I thought we’d have time to say goodbye…it hurts me so badly I wish we just put him down painlessly. But it wasn’t painless. He was on oxygen and In the end he violently threw up all the liquid in his body and died.

It hurts so badly because I took videos on the morning, with his struggling to breathe, thinking i could show it to the vet at his next appointment..I took pictures with him 3 days before he died and he looked so so poorly and now I know why..😢I never would have thought he would die so soon.

What do I do I can’t handle the grief today. It got better but i look at his photos and i hate myself for not being there.😢