r/Advice•
diy_and_vibe

My mother has completely screwed me out of everything Ive worked for and now she's in jail for unrelated stuff

For context I'm 19 m, and my whole life my mother has struggled with pill addiction amongst just being a shitty person.(Putting me in shitty abusive situations with relationships, cutting off family that could've helped us after taking advantage of them) But since I was 12 she has been married to a pretty nice guy with a somewhat stable situation minus the regular drama she'd cause. (Some shoplifting, one more rehab cycle, and burning bridges that weren't even hers to burn etc.)

When I was 16 I got my first job at a Japanese restaurant, working under the table just making tips, and I wasn't able to work as much as I wanted because my mother and stepfather were forcing me to go to every church service still. Aside from a few snacks and stuff on occasion, I was saving everything I made to try and buy a car. I already knew to hide my money and not put it in any accounts because she knew about all of my accounts and I knew she would steal. I hid my money behind the back panel of my guitar amplifier that you had to unscrew to get to. she still stole like $300 of it and blew up on me when I tried to confront her about it to a point that I wasn't able to work that day because of how long we screamed at each other and the way I looked by the time it was over.

Eventually, after I graduated highschool, I had enough money to put down on a pretty cheap car, but I was still too young to have the loan put in my name, and keep her out of it. I sent her the money for the insurance and the car note every month, on top of splitting bills and dropping out of college, just so that I could work enough to maintain the expectations my parents had for me. My roommate/best friend also moved in around this time and she was also getting money from him.

During the latter half of this time, my car was the only one that anyone could used between : me, my mom, my stepdad, my roomate, my step brother, and my girlfriend. All while I'm still paying for it, and part of the bills.

I thought everything was just mundane and kept paying what I was asked by my mom even when sometimes it got suspicious. And even though I couldn't save any money, I thought I was on track to getting my car paid off.

Right before last Christmas my mom and stepdad split up because he was just sick of her shit and was given a great opportunity with housing provided. This just left my friend my mom and I splitting bills and only having my car. Eventually, my mom left too and moved 3 hours away. She was still asking my friend and I for money because she was still handling bills. They hadn't ever shown me how to go about paying them, so I stupidly trusted her.

A couple weeks back, on a Friday, my roommate and I went to get groceries, and when we came out of the store, my car was on a tow truck. Apparently she hasn't been paying the car note with the money I was giving her for over a year. She lied even more about it and claimed it was a fuck up on the bank's part, and that she would sort it out. (I didn't believe her, but I just wanted a break, so I told her to have an update by Monday or if be pressing charges.

Then, not even a week after this, she got arrested for stealing her elderly neighbor's pills, and got caught on camera. I only know because my aunt called me and told me.

Now that she's in jail for something completely unrelated, I don't know what to do. I paid the majority of the car notes in cash, so I don't think there's any legal action I can take, and I just don't know what to do. Now that it's just my roomate and I, I don't have any extra money to save for anything else. I'm having to bum rides to work every shift, And get paid biweekly, so it's hard to try and budget this stuff out.

Our bills are paid and everything, but I just feel stuck, and broke 24/7. I'm tired, mentally, and emotionally, and I'm trying to keep my head up, but it's just genuinely been a fight to even get out of bed everyday. I'm drinking more, and I'm just rotting most of the time because I don't have anything to do, or any way to get places.

Is there any advice that someone can give me? I just want to feel better and try and make some of the progress back that I worked so hard for.

Posted Feb 25, 2026, 9:00 PM UTC

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