i [M24] need advice on what to do/where to go in this situation. i feel stuck and my mind is going crazy.

i know i will be judged and i probably deserve it but just please hear me out. i'll try and make this as short as i can. any advice is welcomed and any questions, just ask.

my girlfriend [F25] and i have been together for about 3 years now and i think i am falling out of love. i've been in denial about this for too long and recently i think ive started to come to terms with it. we just bought a townhouse together like a month ago (i know, i know 😔)

this past new years eve (2025 going into 2026) i messaged a girl [F22] who i've known for years now. she and i used to work together and used to go out casually here and there. nothing too crazy happened between us but ive always felt there was a charge or something romantic there. we always stayed in touch after she quit our workplace and moved countries about 3/4 years ago.

she had always made me feel comfortable with her and ive always known that i can talk about my feelings with her. so on new years i basically told her i still had intense feelings for her and that they aren't going away. i was open about it all for the most part. she was a bit hesitant at first but asked me to give her time to respond, which i did.

about a month passes (we're in late january now) and she says she knows she took awhile to respond but she's still "speechless".

she doesn't want to say

too much because she knows i'm in a relationship and doesn't want to make it awkward but she did say she was open to talking more about it.

so we did a few weeks later over facetime.

it was so nice to see her again, i didn't realize just how much i missed her voice and her face. we've been talking on and off since and she has stated that she is open to me visiting her at some point or when she comes back to the U.S. she would like to hangout.

i did ask if there was ever a chance her and i could become something more than friends and her exact response was "i didn't think of it back then but we've grown and matured so much in these last few years so i wouldn't rule it out. i wouldn't rule anything out. i also wouldn't let anything like this ruin our friendship.

she is aware of my relationship issues and how my current girlfriend and i have been struggling. i feel so bad for both women. i have been very honest with the other girl and said i don't want to put her in the middle or make anything awkward but i can't help what i feel. i am so torn. i dont want to hurt my girlfriend either, i care about her so much too. but these feelings have not gone away for the other girl despite me trying my best to get rid of them.

some issues in my relationship right now are:

sexual incompatibility

different love languages

effort being one sided (from my perspective)

and overall attraction/interest just fading

which i know happens over time but i feel like the effort in her look has only deteriorated since we've been together. my girlfriend has even stated that she's gotten lazy and/or too comfortable.

yes i have tried to talk about these issues with her, even so much as going to therapy. things only change for about a week or so and then it's back to how they were before. i don't know why i thought moving in together was going to save us, its only made things worse so far.

i genuinely think i love this other girl but i am trying to keep myself together and restrained to be fair and as respectful as possible to both sides.

i dont know what to do 🙁