Betrayal, HIV Prep, There's Nothing To Communicate

So I said, "Can someone tell me the truth? Was I pharmacologically abused? Did you have premeditated intentions to get me to take HIV prep? If it's true, communicate, but apparently it's not true. Apparently I'm coming to a feeling of conviction about my imagination. Apparently, I was not betrayed by everyone. Apparently, it's a reflection. Apparently, I'm seeing betrayal in everyone, but it's really coming from my mind. It's a delusion. Correct?

Enough. If I was pharmacologically abused, whatever the reason may be, communicate and tell me. If it was for wrestling with Shanay circa 25 years ago, tell me... if there was another reason, tell me. But apparently it's all delusional. Apparently only I chose to take HIV prep. There was no betrayal. I think you don't want to take accountability cuz you don't want to deal with the consequences of how angry I'll be.

Is it really you did it to me? or is it really a reflection? It's all coming from my mind. It's really all delusional.

I need to realize I'm seeing a monsters behind your face. It's all reflection. It's projection. It's coming from me. You did not have sadistic and nefarious intentions to pharmacologically abuse me with the mega regimen of psychiatric medications, HIV prep, or anything like that. If the opposite is true, well, communicate.

My father said, "Please stop. Please help yourself. Please move forward."

My mother said, "Go out, meet ladies at groups. Stop wasting your life. Groups are fun, new people. Stop living in your bubble.

I said, "Okay, I will. But are you telling me, you're telling me the truth, correct? I was not pharmacologically abused with HIV prep or anything. Correct? I'm just having an emotional tsunami. I'm projecting you betrayed me into your minds. It's a reflection coming from me. Correct? It's delusional, right? I'm trying to toggle the emotional switch to "off". I'm trying to calm down and realize I was not betrayed.

My mother says, "We all have. You don't want the truth. You want to stay stuck."

I said, "I asked the question. Did you betray me? Did you have premeditated intentions to pharmacologically abuse me? I'm trying to calm down here. Take accountability if you did. If you didn't, well, answer.

Okay, fair enough. I was not pharmacologically abused for wrestling with Shanay. It's all delusional. My imagination, it's all coming from me. There was no betrayal. If you did betray me, communicate. But you didn't. So, calm down. Toggle the emotional switch to off. You're not avoiding accountability because of how angry I'll be. There's nothing to communicate. Correct?