Out of a lot to be grateful for one of the many is you here

I know I think and feel a lot . Overthinking of course plays a role and wish it wasn’t even a thing because I think of scenarios and things that haven’t even happened and stress myself out and then the outcome is nothing what I thought. When we experience certain things in our lives that tends to happen and sometimes yeah it is hard to let go and you know just like my family and them that I tend to worry about others over myself . I want you to be okay and I know sometimes we’re not all okay and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes words can’t hold everything I feel but I want to try anyway.

I know you’ve carried so much in your life things that weren’t fair, things that weren’t your fault, things that have left marks you didn’t deserve, yes even from me but yet you still love me , you still see who I am and how I am just me and always want to be a difference in someones life . Almost 4 years and yeah I do, I want that someone to be you. I think by now you know that too. I know it’s easier said than done because you ma not think I really truly don’t understand what it’s like no, no I don’t completely but you don’t have to carry things you shouldn’t anymore , I just want you here and want you to be happy. I know I can’t make that happen. We can’t make someone happy but we can try to help the forget alot . You don’t have to feel responsible for the past, or for the ways it shaped you. None of it changes who I know I see you as and not anybody else. I don’t has to explain I just know it does , I didn’t think never thought really deeply loving someone with everything could feel the way it does for me and I want it there. It stays.

I’ve tried, in my own way, to be someone you can rely on someone who sees you, who understands you, who doesn’t judge you, and who doesn’t try to fix you, because you don’t need fixing. Even knowing so much about your life—your past, your family, your struggles—hasn’t made me step back. If anything, it makes me want to be here even more, I thought it scared me but it just over time and all this time made me lean into you more and I wonder if you see that. Sometimes I wish you really could read me and without asking me why .

I know it can feel heavy, knowing someone sees so deeply but I want it to feel safe, not heavy. Maybe I want it to feel like a hug you don’t have to hold yourself up for. Imagine me wrapping my arms around you in words, holding you without asking anything in return, letting you exhale without worry or fear. That’s what this is. You can let it be, without thinking you have to earn it or deserve it.

Sometimes when I sit on the beach and look up and think about everything I have to be grateful for I’m glad he hasn’t taken you from me. Very very grateful . I couldn’t bare it I wouldn’t know. In those quiet moments, I realize how glad I am that you’re here. Just knowing you exist, knowing you’re part of my life, brings me peace I can’t fully explain. It’s a simple, steady gratitude, and it’s a feeling I hope you can sense too it’s part of the hug I’m sending you now, even if we’re not in the same place.

My love for you is different. It’s not about control, or changing you, or undoing the past. I can’t, and I’m sorry for that with other things and I would hope by now how deep I do feel things and how I can’t let go of what this is. I wouldn’t even try. I want to be here, at your pace, as someone you can lean on, someone who just sees you, accepts you, and holds space for you.

I truly believe we still can be good for each other. I believe in what we share, I hope you feel when you’re with me. You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to explain anything. You don’t have to carry what isn’t yours anymore.