What’s your relationship to femininity like?

I am so curious if other women have this mental conversation. In my career, I started out as a cop reporter, so I didn’t wear super feminine stuff day-to-day. I wore makeup but that was kind of it. I figured they wouldn’t show me a ton of respect if I met them out at crime scenes in skirts. Anyway, I’m 10 years older now and I feel like my relationship to femininity is almost broken? I have lots of tattoos, which for a while made me feel like I couldn’t wear anything feminine that wasn’t also a little edgy or, well, black. But now I want to wear more feminine stuff, I’m just so uncomfortable.

I always feel overdressed or like my clothes are slightly wrong. I think I really internalized that femininity is weakness, and also that I never focused much on looking or feeling feminine, so I’m “not good” at it. Recently, a friend called me “kind of bisexual” which I think was a nod at my lack of femininity for some reason. It was in the context of how I look, which is a weird association.

Anyway, I’m curious if other women have these thoughts as well or if it’s just me.