the BPD thing

I don’t even know what my hopes are in writing this, I’m just ultra lost at the moment. feel like I’m losing it. maybe someone has made any similar experiences, I’m sure some of you have.

I’ve been wanting to get assessed for ADHD + Autism since 2020, when I was 20 and struggling way too much with uni and literally every aspect of life. my previous therapist that I had just stopped going to told me no, it’s maybe schizoid traits or borderline, but she wasn‘t sure. as for ADHD, I got the “what difference would it make?”.

all through 2020 to 2025 I went to the same psychiatrist. any time I brought up how much I was struggling, it was all written off as social phobia/ anxiety and depression. I kept bringing it up, how I’d just want to get assessed to rule it out if nothing else, but nada.

in early 2025 I had finally found a psychologist/ therapist who was able to assess me for ADHD, but wasn’t qualified in assessing autism. result = ADHD and avoidant personality disorder. she thought autism was possible, but couldn’t say for sure ofc. she had a baby, so I went to see her replacement for therapy. 5 sessions in he asks me if I’d ever considered autism (without me having brought it up) and I felt pretty seen. he offered to look into resources, but I was sort of like “well, the adhd treatment is more important for now”. HUGE HUGEE mistake here.

as sessions went on he shifted more towards complex trauma as for what was going on with me. when I brought up symptoms related to autism, he’d start reacting strangely. he found me combative or intimidating at times, I guess, when that was not what I intended to be. after I‘ve had some very stressful times and crises, 2 sessions ago he finally acknowledged what I knew he had been thinking for a few months now. BPD. and you know what, fine. I give up man, like, I might have it. I asked him directly if he still thought an autism assessment would make sense for me and he just kind of shrugged. “what difference would it make?”, again, after all that.

at this rate I’ll probably be diagnosed with every disorder in the DSM, before anyone even considers an actual assessment. and as soon as I’ll get any official BPD diagnosis, I’ll probably never get the chance to know. the stigma is crazy.