How do I stop being fat phobic?

I have been fat phobic all my life, and I don't know how to change that. I used to make fun of kids for being fat when I was younger, usually when they would tease me for being short, as that was an insecurity for me. I once made a snide comment about this one girl in theater class about how she was obese to one of my friends, and he told on me. Thankfully it was his word against mine so nothing came of it.

Now that I'm an adult I really have to be careful, my mind is flooded with negative thoughts and disgust when I see a fat person, I never say anything, but every once in a while something will slip out showing how I have a deep disdain for fat people. Once I say something negative about fat people, everyone will condemn me and look at me like I'm the devil, it's really humiliating and makes me feel really bad.

I'll get into the more internal parts now.

I genuinely feel nothing but disgust and anger when I see a fat person. As I said before, my mind is flooded with negative thoughts about them, I cannot stop thinking about how gross they are and how I would never let myself get to that point, and I live in the USA, so 40% of people I see are gonna be like this. I have a hard time feeling bad about these thoughts, because it feels like it's something uncontrollably, it's like I don't get a choice wether I will be fat phobic or not. My parents were very accepting and would've never encouraged me to think ill of someone over their weight, so that's what makes me think it's just how I was born and my brain is wired to feel hatred for fat people, and I know that sounds ridiculous.

I actually watch a ton of videos of fat people on tik tok, for a couple main reasons. I watch videos like "what I eat in a day as a fat person who doesn't want to lose weight" , and I like the feeling of disgust I get when I watch these videos. It also boosts my ego, cuz I'm thinking about how i would never let myself get to that point cuz I'm way better disaplined than them. Sometimes I think the only reason I'm not fat like them, is because of my disgust, and that motivates me to eat healthy.

I used to work at a cafe, and the things people would order were very telling of their current state. I know I have a double standard, because when I see a fat person eating sugar, I would think "of course they're eating that", and when I saw a skinny person eating sugar, I think that they are treating themselves. But we all know that the obese person eats way more unhealthy stuff even when not at the cafe.

More about this double standard is that when a girl is rude, I'll think that they're just a mean girl. but if a fat girl is rude, she's the absolute scum of the earth to me.

Bottom line is, I have absolutely no empathy for fat people, I can't stop thinking terrible things about them. I don't want it to be this way, but I also don't know how to change.