I hate myself but i honestly hate my sister a lot more.

Just for context:

Past year i lost my father for cancer, at february 10th we had him buried on the town cemitery.

and beyond that, i also lost my mother at 2018 december 1st for the same disease.

And on my birthday at almost 1 month ago, my sister entered in contact with me trying to threath me so i'd give my father money to her, and if i didnt, i would suffer consequences and a lot of other shit. I just woke up on the time she contacted me, so i was all sleepy and still under effect of sleeping medicine as i'm autistic and adhd person who cant really sleep without that due to some several past trauma.

I'd honestly be glad at taking from her what she doesnt even deserve because, honestly, she abandoned my father. It was not like she is telling to me and i know it's not. It was SHE and her mother who abandoned my father and, now, when he is dead and can't really talk the fucking back like he always did to me and my mother, now she wants to complain like she literally deserves something from me or from my family-attorney who is actually handling this stuff for me.

And when i think about that crap, all i want is to ruminate on SancSu so i have better ideas about how to end my life.

I'm more worried about not letting anything for my sister who is actually 47 years old and has a way better finnancial condition than little unemployed 24 years old me.

I also live completely alone so... yeah. I dont think anybody would look for me until i'm done if i try it again. My father wont stop me again.