(Tw: sh mentioned) İ don't care about my family bonds anymore and my mother blames it on me

my mentality is fucked because of them. I've tried and tried to fix what was in me and keep my connection with them. but the more i tried, the more my mental state got worse. so i stopped trying, because they ruined every progress i had. now, I'm even worse than i was 2 months ago. I've been sh clean for almost 4 years but i started again and couldn't stop doing it. I did it 5 times in one day, I've been clean for 14 days now but it's only because it's hard to hide them since my mother doesn't respect my privacy. she bursts in without knocking, randomly wants to see me naked so she can "check". i still think of doing it, and i find myself looking forward to getting the hell out of this house so i can do it freely. she says i only see myself, i don't see her, my father and brother. she's right on herself and my father, the only one i see is my brother. yeah, i don't see them because they don't see me. she even forgets important things about me, she forgets that my eye sight is bad, that i have adhd and couple of things more. my psychiatrist told these to my mother as well, so there's no way she can forget, this shows how unimportant i am to her. she keeps saying that how unscrupulous i am of my father, and her. my father is ill and yk what, i don't give a shit. why would i care about someone who beats up women? why would i care about someone manipulative, abusive, pervert? and i stopped caring about my mother too because she decided to marry him, putting us in danger and not caring about our mentality at all. i am suffering because of them. so why would i care about keeping in contact with them? to get even more fucked up? i got enough. i wanted to get even worse as a child so they would notice me. and actually i got worse. and it wasn't even on purpose. they still don't care.