I just dont know what to do

First of all, I apologize for my English, I will be using a translator a lot.

I have never posted anything on Reddit, but I created this account because I honestly don't know what to do. Where to start? I've always had bad thoughts, I've hated myself for several years. I hate the way I look, my voice, how im useless and my life. I dont wanna die but i rly wish i was a different person. Everyone around me is more successful and smarter than me, I'm incredibly lazy, I kinda have good grades at university, but I absolutely don't deserve them, during the few months university vacation, I never did anything useful, and I didn't even go to work, despite the fact that I needed the money.

About six months ago I met new person, and they rly fast became my friend, first in very long time. We literally talked to each other for hours every day, and they helped me with my mental health a lot. Sadly they're far away rn, and i had an opportunity to met them, but i failed and im not sure if we will meet again this year. Furthermore, i think we began to drift apart? We know eachother other for more then 6 month and at some point like a week ago I just stopped having topics to talk about with them, rn we like we exchange 10 messages a day. They're still too kind to ignore me, but i have fear that they no longer interest in our friendship, cuz i become boring. Im sure they're annoyed by my anxiety and how I constantly complain about everything. They have many of their own problems.

Another problem is studying at university. I hate myself because i just don't have any skills. Even rn i have task and just sont have any idea what to do with it. I rly should start from scratch this topic, but i waste time for some useless shit. I will fail this semester. I've also failed my driving tests several times, I'm not even capable of that. I sh'd few days ago, after almost a month without it, there were a lot of blood, but i guess ill do it again.

I don't know why I wrote this, maybe to get some advice, or I just wanted to tell at least someone about it.