How are couples splitting household responsibilities and finances. Me (30F)and my partner (30M) are struggling to agree, particularly with the cooking and splitting expenses

Me (30F) and my partner (30M) have been together over 3 years. We moved in together about a year ago and before we did this we had a discussion about who was going to do what.

Cooking is something that we always butt heads with. He refuses to cook, he was previously living with his mum before we moved in so he didn’t have to worry about it. I was living in a houseshare so was used to cooking for myself. During this time he would come over mine once or twice a week and I would cook as he was at my place. Before moving in we agreed that I would do the majority of the cooking and he would cook once a week and help with the washing up after we eat. I can honestly say this has probably happened about 5 times in the last year. It would come time for him to do it and he would always have an excuse, he’s tired from work, he’s got a lot on this week, just flat out say he’s not making anything. I WFH 2/3 days week and when I’m out i do long drives to different sites (i plan my cooking days around this). He works 5 days a week in the office but it’s shift work. This issue is becoming frustrating especially because he also doesnt do much of the household chores unless I nag him. I get to a point where I get overwhelmed from doing everything and either shout or go quiet ( as I’m tired of constantly asking him to pull his weight). To make it worse, we split all the bills apart from food shopping which he pays for because he refuses to cook - he’s not in the financial position to pay more of the bills.

I was recently told I need to go a diet for health reasons for the next few months. I told him I’m not cooking 2 set of meals so he’s on his own. This awoke a fire in him where he said he still expected me to cook for him, stating that we both came into this relationship with expectation and I can’t be changing them up now. Now, I made it very clear from the beginning of the relationship that I do not wish to be anyone’s maid as this is the kind of relationship my parents had and it’s not something I wanted; but I agree that I’ve allowed things to get to this point.

He recently got a new job where we will be paid a lot more than before and a lot more than me. We have agreed to start splitting the bills 70/30, but I told him I still had the same requirements with the household duties as this is what should have been doing before anyway. He covers more of the bills and some household duties, I cover more of the house duties and less of the finance.

Is this not reasonable? Maybe there’s a better way of doing things.

He wants to have kids, but I’m not even entertaining that discussion until we get somewhere with this

TL/DR: Struggling to find a way to make living with my boyfriend work. How do you split your household responsibilities, especially when your both contributing the same financially