This is a coping mechanism, and maybe an unhealthy one

I think the reason I like findom and domination more broadly is because it is a way for me to deal with the fact that I’ve been abused by women in real life. My mother would scream at me and even hit me when I was young, and a small child cannot deal with that, with being hurt by someone who you just desperately want to approve of you. When I was a bit older I was bullied quite badly by a girl in my class, like to the extent that she eventually got suspended from school. She made my life hell and worked to make sure I was totally socially ostracised. Finally I was sexually assaulted by a woman at university who became something like my first girlfriend, warping my perspective on relationships. All in all it occurs to me that I’m only interested in stuff like this after all of that in my life, as a way to maybe reclaim control or recontextualise it or something. Yeah I’m dealing with things my own way I’m just not sure how healthy it is.