Just a little vent

Hi everyone. My husband(M29) and I(F28) have been married for 4 years now, together for 8. We have two kids, a 5 year old and 2 month old. I’m thinking of leaving, have been for quite some time, since last year actually, when I was still pregnant. I find that these days I resent my husband so much, and I always go to my mum’s place every weekend to avoid being around him. I think for me what made me realise things will never work out if how he called me a burden literally 3 weeks after I had my c section because I couldn’t help out with chores. He hasn’t apologised till now. I’ve been called useless before and all sorts. I think what hurts me the most is how I made myself stay for too long even though there were red flags. My heart aches for what I have put myself through. This is a man who would disappear on me for days when we were still dating but I stayed because I loved him. I feel like I didn’t respect myself and allowed him to make me his plaything. But I’m finally going to leave, I can’t stand being around him and I wanna start my healing journey and learning how to forgive myself.