I don’t understand

It was the beginning of the year you ghosted me out of nowhere! I should hate you for wanting someone else than me. I should not ever want to see u again but I dream every day of bumping into you and I know we won’t because we live far away from each other. It’s about to be March and I still have u embedded deep in my heart! ❤️ WHY? We were never nothin but close to something the only reason I couldn’t admit I care was because of our set up I knew what it was and I was so afraid of losing you! I lost you anyways and I should despise you for treating me the way u did; cold! 🥶 But I can’t hate u no matter how hard I try!