Relationship/co parent advice

Hey everyone,

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and could really use some advice. My fiancé and I are about to get married, and honestly, being a step parent has been way more complicated than I expected. We’ve been together for almost four years and engaged for three. I have one kid from my previous relationship (19), and he has two kids from different relationships. He an amazing father and step father.

The biggest thing on my mind is his 13-year-old daughter. I’ve been apart of her life since she was nine, but I’ve never met her mom. She lives with us full time during the school year and goes with her mom on weekends. Lately, it’s been tough, she’s been lying a lot and not keeping up with her chores, talking back, but constantly asks me to buy her things, give her a room makeover and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. He’s tried reaching out to her mom to get some support with coparenting, but she basically shuts him down and tells us to “F off.” Her mother forgot to pick her up after school one day and she told him that WE need to figure it out. It’s been like this since I met my fiancé, which feels really strange, especially since her mom has been in a relationship for atleast 10 years now and has a 4 year old . I just don’t understand her whatsoever. He even invited her and her boyfriend to dinner. We thought it would be nice if we could all come together and be cordial for their daughter, but she stated that she doesn’t have that type of man, whatever that means.

Then there’s the other child’s mom. They had a complicated situation, they only knew each other for a few months then she got pregnant and while I’ve always encouraged him to be there for his kid, every time he tries, he ends up fighting with the mom. They don’t know each other so that’s also weird to me, am I overthinking it? She told him she doesn’t want us playing house with her child but in the same breath she asked him for money and at the time we were moving into our place and money was a little tied up, she then proceeded to ask him doesn’t he have a partner, insinuating that he gets the money from me. What really threw me for a loop was finding out today he’s been talking to her for months but never told me. When I asked why , he said he didn’t think he needed to, it wasn’t important. We’re buying a home together next year. We have so many goals, I just thought we would tell each other everything. That felt like a punch in the gut, especially since I’ve always pushed for honesty between us.

Now I’m worried he’s keeping things from me, and I

don’t know what else he might be hiding. Am I being too sensitive or reading too much into this? How do I bring this up without making things worse? Has anyone else dealt with complicated step parenting and co parenting issues like this?