Avoidant attachment style partner (30M) + me (29F) who craves deep connection. Can this work?

Apologies in advance for the rant. This was a bit cathartic. TL;DR up here for ease (I asked ChatGPT to condense the TL;DR from my original entry, just FYI):

TL;DR -

I (29F) feel like I love and invest more in my long-distance relationship than my boyfriend (30M). Whenever I try to bring up difficult topics—especially about emotional connection or wanting more sexual intimacy—he shuts down, ignores me, or calls me “negative.” After a recent conversation where I gently expressed feeling insecure about our sexual dynamic and wanting to feel more desired, he went silent, dismissed me as pessimistic, and eventually threatened to block me. We both ended up hanging up and blocking each other. I’m heartbroken because outside of conflict he’s my rock, but his chronic avoidance and refusal to communicate make me feel unheard, disrespected, and alone.

--

Also, holy shit, I just looked up avoidant attachment style in a relationship. It's him to a T.

His dad tragically passed as a young child (8 y/o) and his mom completely shut down. Like wouldn't get out of bed to feed or bathe or take him to school. That's why he's pretty close with his aunt + grandparents (they carried the load) and to this day not very close with his mom. All of this should be considered.

--

A bit of background. 29F, 30M. Almost four years together. Lived together for over 3 years, he just moved across the country for work. It's been hard. He doesn't like to text very much and I don't need a lot of validation, but I do need some engagement. It's all good. I'm trying to be more independent so am totally fine sustaining myself throughout the day. We're both busy. I just have constantly felt like I love him more, respect him more, think about him more. I have always felt like I'm more introspective. However, the fact that he is so easy-going is wonderful. I generally find how he constantly keeps things light to be refreshing and balances out my neurotic-ness. He really is wonderful. However...

It seems like every time I bring up a topic that’s hard for him, he shuts down. It's been like this for a long time. I can't believe that I have even gone this long. I respect myself but then also let him treat me like shit sometimes because I love him. The amount of times he's told me that we're just "never going to work out" is dizzying. It's been really fucked up, and it breaks my heart every single fucking time. Feels like it's always me that picks up the pieces in the end. He either goes asleep, or walks away, or straight-up ignores me when I bring up a topic that's hard for him.

Maybe I do fixate. Maybe I am that insufferable. I try not to be, and anything that I bring up that's hard for him always comes from a place of caring. Perhaps caring too much. I'm OCD. He has taught me to be way more easy going and has made me feel safe. He's my rock. But then he also pulls shit like this, which is extremely concerning in the long run.

So. I just got back last night from visiting him 2600 miles away. We were on the phone, laughing and debriefing, and I kind of timidly brought up the fact that I was worried about how I only made him cum once when I visited him and he just has nothing to say. Mind you, I did not bring this up timidly because I am shy talking about sex. I brought it up in this way because I was worried about his reaction. He has a history of shutting me down, and I wanted to tread gently. He doesn't really like to talk about things in general, not problems, not sex. I don't even have a super high libido but the act of sex is intimate and brings us closer together so I find it very important for a relationship to lust over one another.

So, I tell him I have been thinking/am worried about the fact that I only made him cum twice (unspoken context: it's because I want him to be more outwardly attracted to or sexual with me). Utter silence for 10, 20, 30 seconds. It just drags on. So I get frustrated and ask him to engage with me, please. And nothing. Silence. It drags on.

At some point he responds by saying I feel this way because I'm just a natural-born pessimist. He's said this in other ways before. Many other ways. It fucking hurts me to bring something up and desire a candid conversation with my partner, or some type of connection, meeting-me-halfway kind of vibe, but I just get told I'm inherently negative, and that's why I brought it up. I hung up on him because I was offended.

Then I call him back to ask him if he was serious right now. He said he didn’t appreciate that I’m bringing this up now and when we were in person a few days ago. Well, when we were in person, I was trying so hard to focus on the good times, I didn’t want to bring up anything that might lead to a fight or bad vibes. And our trip was great. Nothing but good vibes and love. I focused on the positive. But god forbid I bring up one thing that was kind of nagging at the back of my mind -- not that I didn't make him cum more than once. If he cared to engage in this conversation with me, he'd realize that it comes down to me wanting a bit more spice in our relationship. To feel wanted and desired. I've brought this up before.

So I waited for him to respond. And he tells me that I'm so negative, and that I'm not happy, and I don't appreciate that because, while I may not have been happy in that moment due to his reaction, I fucking love him and have made it so clear that I want to work through things together. It's extremely important to me to have a partner I can talk through things with and who will hear me and attempt to know me on a deep level. So when he said that I'm just so negative and I'm not happy, I told him to shut up and not tell me what I feel because we just had the best time together in person when I felt nothing BUT happiness. So again, I'm offended that he's putting words into my mouth. This time he hangs up.

I call him back. He says he doesn't appreciate my tone. I'm using this tone because I'm repeatedly shut down and not heard. This is the text I send him:

Want to know why my tone gets like that? Because you completely shutdown and refuse to engage with me. I brought up that topic extremely gently and you just said nothing. It’s like talking to a wall and is understandably frustrating.

Then I get told that if I hang up and call him again I’m getting blocked.

Long story short, I'm going on and on about why I don't feel heard and that I'm not okay with this dynamic, and he hangs up on me. Tells me he's blocking me. I call him a big man and tell him I'm done. I blocked him first.

This is all so fucking juvenile and heartbreaking because I really feel like if he would just treat me with more respect and attempt to SEE ME, and hear where i'm coming from, we would avoid so many fights. The fact that he just shuts down every single fucking time and doesn't try... my heart can only take so much. It breaks every single time, and again, here I am, alone.

It's like the only time we can thrive in our relationship is if it's all sunshine and butterflies. God forbid there's any conflict, or if I bring up a topic that's hard for him. He just can't handle it. He doesn't know how to work through it. So I try not to. And then that leads to me feeling unheard. And the resentment just builds. I'm an extremely communicative and sentimental person. He's very practical and, I don't want to say surface level, but he keeps it very light. And like I said, that's typically really refreshing and a great vibe to be around. That is, until things get tough and I expect to talk it out.

Is this it? Other than this extremely avoidant quality I'm describing of his, oh and I guess the sexual compatibility thing... (which I could work through. He still makes sure I cum and am taken care of. He's just not super sexual. And I've been with a very sexual partner in the past where it was just too much. So all I'm asking is for a bit more spice, but I guess I really can't change him if he's super low-libido) ... he's my rock. I'm devastated. I just want it to work so badly. I miss him so much but often feel so pushed aside.