It’s my mom’s birthday today.

Today is my mom’s birthday. She would’ve turned 46 today. But she had stopped aging a month after she turned 39.

Today is also my younger sister’s first day in her new full-time job. I’m so proud of her. She got her first full-time job before she even graduated from uni. She’ll be graduating this November too.

I don’t know how she could done it. We both lost our mom, and yet her world still continues on, while mine stood still since the day our mom “left”.

My younger sister was able to do a lot of things. She moved on with her life. She has a caring boyfriend, a big group of friends (including the ones from her high school years), is about to graduate, gets a job. While I am… stuck. I haven’t graduated from uni yet (I was supposed to graduate 3 years ago), I don’t have a job, I barely could get up from bed, I have to take my bipolar meds everyday or I won’t be able to function.

I’m not saying I’m jealous of my younger sister. I’m just… I don’t know why she could do it, while I’m still stuck in 2019.

I feel like I’m disappointing my mom again. I missed her so much. I wanted to ask her questions. I just turned 18 when she “left”, I don’t know how to function in this world as a 25 years old. Sometimes I asked around if I could borrow their mom for a day, just to ask them questions. And people thought I was joking, but I am serious.

I need a mom. I need my mom.