I'm having my ICD tomorrow.. I don't know what to think about it..

Tomorrow at 8 a.m., I’m getting my ICD.

Tonight I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at my chest for what felt like the last time as my “normal” body. I know it’s still my body. I know the device is small. I know it’s a safety net. But it feels like I’m saying farewell to a version of myself I’ve known for 40 years.

I’m not scared. I’m just sad.

Since my CHF diagnosis in May 2023, my life has changed 180 degrees. Everything shifted. And now this feels like another line being drawn between the “before” and the “after.”

It’s strange how you can be grateful and grieving at the same time. Grateful that this technology exists. Grateful for the protection. But still grieving the idea that my body couldn’t just stay the way it was.

I’m just venting here.

For those who have an ICD; how was it for you in the beginning? How did it feel mentally and physically to adjust?

God bless you all.