Saw the Love of My Life In My Dream last night... And im totally fucked up rn!?

saw loml in my dream last night... and I'm pretty much fucked up rn! woke up and spent 2 hours feeling like shit and missing her! then spent another 2 hours filled with rage and irritation!

I saw her in my dreams like after a year now! I thought I had moved on... goshhhh!!! I haven't!

it's been 4 years now! is raat kis subah kab aayegi!!!!

I was soo bad down and needy in the dream... it scares the shit out of me!

The dream goes like this!

She comes to me and says "Puraani Baatein Bhooljao! I always loved you! I was just scared of everything..." Phir I was like "nah! mein nahi maanta! tumne bohot dil dukhaya hai mera! all these years I've suffered alot because of you! you left me at my lowest!! you don't love me!"

phir usne mera haath pakhda and she started crying! She said she really loved me from day one and she just pushed me away because she was scared of being loved...

phir kya mein pighalgaya... I kissed her hand and hugged her and cried out like a baby!

itna saalon mein jo kuch hua wo sab bataya...

but the scary part is... mein dream mein to tha, but irl mujhe pain feel horaha tha ... I woke up in the middle of the night... and abhi tak I'm trynna father myself together....

kya life hai yaar... I thought I had moved on! No girl has ever made me fall in love ever after her....

she's fucking chained me to her........

Itna frustrated and irritated mein pichle 4-5 mahino mein nahi tha! Aaj to brain 🫨🫨🫨 horaha hai....

I miss her......

uske baad I've stopped feeling anything for women... I don't feel emotionally attracted to any woman! I rarely feel physically attracted to any woman!

Uske baad to poora badalgaya hun...... I just wanna fucking fall in love once and forget her completely!!!!!

Ye kaisi life hai jahan my body is refusing to forget her????

Aaj bhi jab kabhi bhi love ka topic uthta hai, uski hi image aankhon ke saamne aati hai!

I hate her.... but I love her too!!!

she used me for her ulterior motives.... every fucking human knows this! even her bestfriends hate her for this.... but.... dreams.... mein.... uk... it shows how much I love her even now....

logically dekhe to I should hate her.... but I don't...... oopar se hate karne ki koshish to hai...

but deep down I just crave her presence... I need her....

Aajka saara din kharab hogaya.... yesterday was such an awesome day... I was having an awesome week.... ab idk what to do....

uske baad I've stopped interacting with everyone completely.... I just don't feel the same... wo hurting words.... wo acting jo usne ki to use me.... idk man.... trust hi nahi kar paata kisebhi....

bohot se girls aaye to life mein uske baad.... but I couldn't fall in love with any of them.... Ig I'm broken forever!

Her charm has chained me forever. I will never be able to escape from her prison of love. I tried my best to stay strong. I utilised all my strengths, yet she was successful in defeating me. She conquered the conqueror. I have surrendered myself! I'm not going to fight anymore! I lost all I had. I'll never be able to go back to my former self. I don't know if she's an angel or a devil. I just know that her love destroyed me completely. She is my most beautiful defeat! Yet the most painful as well. 

I see her face in every crowd, but her voice is silenced and no longer loud. In the prison of her love, I find myself confined.

A captive to her heart, forever intertwined.

Her gaze, a chain that binds me tight. Her touch, a spell that steals my sight. 

Although I'm one of the wisest people who has ever lived, I'm one of the most foolish people who has ever loved. I was ready to lose everything just to win her heart. I never knew she wasn't meant to be my part. 

By her charm, I've been chained. In the prison of her love, I've been detained. Within these walls, I've found my home. A shelter where my heart can roam.

In the prison of her love, I am free. I am free to love her unconditionally. 

In the prison of her love, I'm free. 

A willing captive, eternally.

I dream of her by my side. 

Holding me tight, being my ray of light.

In the darkest of nights. 

I roam the halls of passion's fire.

Lost in the depths of her desire.

Her love, a maze I explore.

Her touch, a craving I adore.

Her touch, a craving I adore.

I search for her in every place.

But all I find is an empty space.

It's hard to face this unfair race. 

A realm of shadows and regret.

Where time slows down and hope is rest!

She won in her conquest!

I lost my zest. Hindering in her test. Living bereft. 

Each day within her love's reign.

I find joy amidst the harshest of pains.

Her charm, a chain I willingly bear.

In this prison of love, A willing captive, eternally, I swear.

In the prison of her love, I am free.

I am free to love her unconditionally.

In the prison of her love, I'm free.

A willing captive, eternally..