If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)

2026 - 080 Me: 2.5 out of 10 Wife: 7 out of 10

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Viewing options found on JustWatch / Country of origin: United States

IMDb Summary: While trying to manage her own life and career, a woman on the verge of a breakdown must cope with her daughter's illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and an unusual relationship with her therapist.

When my wife and I first met each other and go to talking, we wasted no time getting to know the important things about each other.

Favorite food?

What do you do for work?

Do you want children?

Most importantly, what type of movies do you like?

But really, the 'having kids' talk came up quite early. As I really think it should. It's a life-changing event that a lot of people want. It's their goal in life, having the traditional nuclear family. Luckily for us both, the mere thought of it sends a wave a nausea and displeasure through our bodies. There are so many things we'd like to do in this life of ours. Travel the world, go to the cinema whenever we feel like it, spend our free time however we please. You know, afford the fun things in life both time-wise and financially speaking.

My instant thought when someone says they're pregnant? My condolences.

This line of thinking leaves very little room for sympathy of child-having adults who have complaints about the decision they made. I won't belittle anyone for deciding to bear offspring. But if you go through with that choice and proceed to complain about the life you're living, you'll get little more than an eye-roll.

Rose Byrne's character Linda deserves even less sympathy than that. To have children and complain is one thing, but to have them and put them in harm's way because you're stressed out? It's despicable. If I Had Legs I'd Kick You had only one redeeming quality, and that was Conan O'Brien. I've got a soft spot for the guy. However, not soft enough to garner any favor towards this film. There's likely some sort of metaphor buried in the movie, but I was beyond checked out by the time it likely even became relevant. Movie On!