i cant tell if its my audhd or its my laziness

I was diagnosed with adhd and autism a year ago, and it makes a lot of sense. I've struggled a lot with getting things done. I almost failed out of high school, and my college transcript is filled with either F's or A's. Only two C's.

I hate doing things. I hate getting things done. I hate sitting and reading unless its on substack where i get to read people's blogs and takes on things like relationships and feminism and whatever.

But when it comes to schoolwork, which touches on subjects I am passionate about (comparative literature, culture, and critical theory), I couldn't give two F's to do it. Actually, I do. I spend every day thinking and stressing about it.

I literally spent my entire life thinking I was dumb and lazy, but recently I started going to bed early and waking up at 6 AM. I had so much time before my classes and couldn't go back to sleep. I made breakfast, showered, and meal prepped for lunch. Then I went to class, took my Ritalin, and was laser-focused for the rest of the day. for some reason, even while i was on my ritalin, after an hour of work, i couldnt get off my phone.

I forgot to block my social media apps that day through my Brick (a device u can use for screentime and focus). I literally felt like a child with zero discipline. I was so angry at myself, but at the same time, I just didn't want to sit there and read for my classes, even though I had so much to do.

I care so much, and I am so anxious about everything. I think about every little detail, and for some reason, I forget things, and I am so clumsy. It's actually insane, and I feel like I am going nowhere in life. I'd rather stay in bed all day and watch TV (something I really enjoy), even though I want to do so many things. I have so many dreams and goals, but it feels like there is a spell cast upon me that actively stops me from doing anything, even when I am medicated.

Does anyone experience this weird, contradictory thing?