Mostly just a vent but if anyone has advice/words of wisdom I'd appreciate it

So I've never been able to have piv sex before in my life. I've tried many times, and the only time it kind of worked was when the person was fairly small, but it still didn't feel good. I've been hooking up with someone for the past couple months and literally the second time we were together I was able to do it, and it actually felt good !! Every time I'm mostly just thinking "I cant believe this is really happening". But the thing is, we can't actually date for reasons i'm not going to get in to (it's not cheating don't worry, just want different things in life). For some reason i'm just really comfortable with this person, and I'm worried i'll never find this again. Has anyone else experienced this? Were you ever able to find it again? (we both use they/them btw plz be respectful <3)