Am I trans or masc?

I’ve been wrestling with this for a few months and can’t seem to pin it down. I’m a cis‑woman who feels far more comfortable with “masc” things – not sports tho lol, but the aesthetics, the vibe, the way guys carry themselves. I find myself constantly wondering whether I’m just envious of men or actually drawn to being one. I’ve even tried masculine‑styled makeup I see online Tho the feminine version made me feel pretty the masc look made me feel better. Even though I still enjoy the occasional feminine outfit like skirts and dresses (but only rarely). When I picture myself in short hair, I get a mix of excitement and dread, fearing I’ll be mocked for looking like a boy, even though a part of me really wants it. I also feel a strange envy toward gay relationships that I don’t feel toward straight ones or lesbian. Every time I think about all this, my brain tells me I’m just “playing into what the internet says,” yet I still catch myself wishing I could be like the guys I see. I’m stuck between feeling occasionally pretty in feminine clothes and mostly preferring masculine clothing. And I get worried when I think about if I am trans and want to do medical stuff and regret it (tho I know I don’t have too). But when I look at androgynous people or trans people I get jealous. I’m not sure if this is just a strong gender expression or if I might actually be trans or even just genderfluid. Please help

EDIT: okay so I tried to kinda hint to my close friends (I just do Friend A and B). I was wearing something I’d consider masculine and I asked them if I looked like manly? Or masculine? And they thought I was joking and made a joke about me being a lesbian which is like a inside joke between us but anyways I decided to ask Friend A again after a minute and she asked if I wanted to look like a guy and I kinda a made a yes face before I could say anything a teacher interrupted us and when I asked Friend B later she jokingly said yes. I want to try to get them to realize but I don’t know how to really say I wasn’t joking. 😞 this is hard.