Going through an existential crisis and genuinely need help

I'm an ex-muslim,living in a Muslim country, and I've recently become agnostic.

For about a month I've been overthinking religion, literally only thinking about it all day long, I just sleep and cry and think about it. I really wanted so desperately to believe in a god, and wanted to believe that Islam is true just because I've grown up believing in it, but I just can't, now I believe that all religion aren't true.

I don't know whether god exists or not, but I just don't understand why would a powerful being capable of creating this universe create us and leave us alone wandering around searching for meaning and purpose thinking what brought us here and scared all the time of possibly going to hell because of some man made stories.

I see people saying it's hard at first, but I don't see any improvements, just when I think I've figured it out and moved on, I go back to being depressed again, and all I can think about is that I wish I had never been born or that I wish to die soon.

It's even more hard for me living in a Muslim country, whenever I see anyone speaking of Islam, I get doubts, what if I'm wrong? What if Islam is true and I'm going to hell? And I think that Islam can't be true but what if my standards are wrong to judge that Islam is wrong?

I just don't know what to do, I'd appreciate it if anyone can help.