Feeling singled out as a Black therapist at a predominately white practice

Hi all,

I'm having a hard time putting into words how I am feeling, so apologies if I'm not making any sense.

I just started a new position as an associate at a large group practice a couple months ago, and my experience has been discouraging so far. I have always had a very difficult time maintaining a consistent caseload no matter what sort of setting I am in, and it has been no different with my current employer (25 per week minimum). I do everything I'm supposed to do when clients are not showing up for sessions like checking in regularly, being flexible with my availability and rescheduling (even to my own detriment), and making sure that I am requesting intakes. I have a lot of Medicaid clients who can be notorious on attendance and some clients who simply can't afford to attend therapy on even a biweekly basis. But for the most part I have around 16ish clients who show up consistently on a weekly or biweekly basis.

My supervisor brought up my inconsistent caseload and while she did not blame me for the frequent cancellations, she did point out that other newly hired therapists have not had the same struggle. All I could say was that I could not control whether clients did not find me a good fit, could even afford to see me regularly, or simply did not want to have a session. I have worked hard not to internalize cancellations, so when someone brings it up it opens old wounds of insecurity and imposter syndrome. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I was open with my supervisor about making improvements if possible.

I am a Black therapist in a majority white city, and I can't help but wonder if a significant part of the population seeking therapy is not interested in working with a Black provider. I don't want to blame all my struggles on racism, but as a Black person I always can't help but wonder if that has been a factor in my difficulty maintaining a caseload. Am I simply not marketable? If that is the case, I wish management would be honest with me.

I'm so tired. Thank you for reading.