Partner revealed submissive/domination sex addiction—seeking advice

My partner recently disclosed a long-term pattern of secret sexual behavior that he and his therapist have described as part of a sex addiction. I’m trying to understand it in a deeper way, especially the psychological side. He only told me he had a former porn addiction. But hid the extent.

Some context he’s shared about his background: he grew up with a very controlling, invasive mother. He describes feeling like he had no autonomy as a child—his privacy and independence weren’t respected, and he felt emotionally overpowered. He says porn became his first experience of having something that was “his,” where he could choose and no one else controlled him.

As an adult, his behavior escalated into seeking out dominatrix-type porn and eventually in-person dominatrix sessions. In those, he was in a submissive role and was controlled, humiliated, and put down. He describes entering a psychological state where he surrendered control and felt separate from his normal identity. He also says he felt shame afterward and kept it completely compartmentalized from his real life.

He hid all of this from me for years. Some details came out later in pieces, which has made it harder to regain trust. And the in person encounters happened when our child was one.

I’m trying to understand a few things:

•	Has anyone else experienced a partner whose acting-out involved submissive/humiliation dynamics specifically?

•	For those in recovery (either personally or as partners), what actually helped rebuild trust, if anything did?

I’m not trying to shame him. I’m trying to understand what I’m dealing with and what recovery realistically looks like.I don’t see myself ever getting over the lies and betrayal. But Dday was just a few days ago and im struggling.