Freedom!! - need advice - naughty naughty warning

I’m 26. I’ve been closeted my entire life. I’ve only been w women and I always shut down any possibility of being bi/gay.

this led me to: force myself to be with women when I didn’t feel like doing so, abandon parts of myself that I truly love (losing my vibrant and amazing personality), try so hard to become someone else, and worst if all - destroy my confidence and self-esteem.

recently, I was with a girl and I asked her if she was cool with pegging. I had never done it and was interested in trying it. We did it like last week. i fucking Loved it. At first, it was so awkward lmao but when we tried again, I came almost instantly.

fast forward to this week, I can’t stop playing with toys that I ordered. this might be TMI, but I came so hard tonight with a 6.5” dildo. Holy fuuuuuck. Life seriously feels more vibrant and interesting.

this is kind of sad but does anyone have any advice on how to get over the shame? I can’t help but feel that I abandmed a part of myself. I hated myself to make other people happy. To keep other people comfortable in my life. I have shame about the shame tbh and I feel like that can’t be uncommon. how can I spread my wings and fly?