Never been in a haram relationship, but now I sometimes wonder if I focused too much on building a career and not enough on actually living (26M)

i'm 26. worked since i was like 15, built something from the ground up and made it stable. Alhamdulillah, it paid off. i earn well. i'm independent. i've opened doors I once prayed for

but the thing i realize is: you can win on paper and still feel like you’re behind in life

finding someone compatible feels harder than building a career (idk maybe I'm looking in wrong places). i thought once I became "established,”" things would fall into place. that being financially stable would automatically make the marriage part easier.

it didnt (clearly)

now there’s this frustration and exhaustion. have talked to a couple people but they dont go anywhere. i dont like cold DMing people online bc it's just creepy imo (tho, i did text a few peeps on reddit after i made a post - nothing worked out tho)

and after years of living alone, I sometimes think whether I’d even know how to adjust to someone else’s presence

You get so used to your peace that the idea of sharing space, emotions feels heavy instead of exciting. then there's the age, already reaching unc status 🥀 feels like time is slipping

I dont have high expectations for my partner, no ones perfect, just an emotional connection (ofc physical attraction too, aint gonna spend my whole life with someone I'm not attracted to, that just sounds brutal)

I follow Islamic pillars, offer prayers, fast and all that (dont have any substance addictions, smoking waghera)

I love talking about deep space, the concept of life \*out there\*, jazz, classical music (have yet to find someone who shares these interests 🥲)

all of my friends are now married which makes things even worse lol, plus living abroad hasn't helped either, you feel isolated, lonely even more (which is expected)

(before you ask: I don't really want to go with the arranged marriage route, the idea of not \*really\* knowing the person you're gonna spend your whole life with is just daunting, would rather know the person inside and out before committing)

anyway, wanted to get this off my chest, feel free to yell at me in the comments if you disagree w something