(23F) Emotionally stuck in age-gap, trauma-bond, humiliationship

Currently in a 2+ year humiliationship with a 30+ year old & literally just had a whole crashout bc he’s been dry lately after he just convinced me to have a threesome on Valentine’s. I said something he goes off on me, comes to my house to get his things, I follow him until I lose him on the highway. Cried in my car. Came home smoke & finished my wine bottle. I have work in 6hrs. He doesn’t know I know the other girl he be sleeping with (not the girl we had a threesome with). I’m burning inside everyday thinking abt it but I don’t wanna argue, if I say something I’m doing too much & don’t know what I’m talking abt & he goes off on me & ghosts me. I hate how low he makes me feel & how I just take it, how obsessed & useable I make myself, overplaying my part, how I make it so easy for him to talk to me & treat me so bad.