I should’ve let myself drown

This happened last nov 2025, I had a big fight with my brother that puts me in anxiety and depression. I don’t know what to do with myself so I leaned sa mga friends ko.

We had a big misunderstanding because I confronted them that I couldn’t feel them and it’s like I’m begging for them to help me. Sila lang ang may alam ng situation ko and nasa point na ako ng life that I will end it at any moment.

Hindi ko maramdamn ung presence nila at alam ko sila nalang ang last straw ko. Pero bakit parang kasalanan ko pa kung anong naging reaction ko towards them.

Ung isa sinabi na ulit-ulit na raw ako, and everytime na I would cry they weren’t listening at laging nag-ccellphone , tapos ung isa interrupt ako kasi kung ano-anong napapansin. Sinabihan pa ako na hindi ko raw tinutulungan ung sarili ko kahit tinutulungan nila ako.

Nagkaroon talaga nag lamat saamin, I tried to reach out pero parang kasalanan ko talaga siya. I told them na I will take responsibility kung ano man nasabi or nagawa ko to them, pero parang ipapa-feel pa saakin na we have the same situation and kung sila nasa position ko hindi sila ganoon mag-rreact.

I don’t talk to them that often anymore, and I have the initial dx of bipolar. I really wish hindi na ako kumapit sakanila and should’ve let myself drown. Edi sana wala kaming problems sa friend group.