[F4A] How would you abuse a people pleaser whos addicted to toxic Doms?

Im looking for chats about misogny, being a gender traitor and what it would be like to belong to toxic men as a people pleaser addicted to abuse.

I used to be a feminist. I used to be a good, religious girl. I used to be innocent. A long time ago, I used to be all that. The daughter my parents dreamt of, studious, smart, moral. And I cant even say when exactly all that changed. I know it started fairly early, with too much free access to the internet and uncontrolled exposure to porn that drew me in. Im sure a lot of you know the journey, how you watch worse and worse porn, more and more extreme, and at some point, its not enough anymore to just watch. So I started chatting about it, fantasizing in my head, reading and writing stories and eventually, submitting to men online.

Added to that influence that porn had comes my own inherent personality and my mental issues. A born people pleaser to the max, heavily pronounced borderline and bouts of depression going into self-harming behaviour meant that I always sought out the worst men (or women) I could. Not the "safe sane consensual" Kink play, not even "Risk aware consensual kinkplay", actual hurt, actual abuse, actual toxicity. And for all the shit men get online, the people who are really like that are hard to find. I did find a few though, and again, I sank deeper and deeper into the extremes of kink. I ruined friendships to serve my dom, I licked public toilets, I exposed my tits while still wearing my hijab, I masturbated in mosques... I ruined my financial future (at least the short term one), once I got fired from my job because I sent my colleagues inappropriate messages, you get the point. Anything to please my dom, small pleasures from them are worth ruing myself for.

So now Id love to find someone to chat about this. What would you do if you had free reign over me? How would you abuse me, hurt me, ruin me?

And please, there are always those who think I need or want their "help" in getting better; I dont. I am fully aware of what Im doing and I dont need anyone to tell me its not smart or that Im hurting myself, thats the whole point. SO only message me if you really have no pity and if you get off on hurting, truly hurting others. Not just physically, but mentally, psychologically, their whole lives.

Im happy to discuss almost any kink that goes with this, but my favorites are: Degradation, Humiliation, misogyny, being a gender traitor, faithplay/religious play, watersports, scat, anal, rimjobs, painal, public play, exhibitionism, being embarrassed in front of others, intox play, complete control loss, diet control (weight gain/loss), social ruin, orgasm control, bestiality (especially stallions, but dogs too), forced breeding, rape, prostitution, non-con, dub-con