Agoraphobia poem

I wrote this poem at 2am. Never written anything in my life so forgive me if it’s odd. It felt incredible writing it down and I hope someone can appreciate it and relate.

Agoraphobia

It’s a weird feeling when your world stops.

Everything that used to be a normality becomes a rarity.

Longing for mundane tasks makes you wonder how much you didn’t appreciate.

World shrinks to the size of your bedroom.

Getting out of the house to the store only steps away feeling like you just ran a marathon.

Wishing and hoping you can have that terrible job again, just to help your family and not feel like a waste.

Having a few moments that feel like freedom again only for anxiety to remind you what your life really is…

Then the world shrinking back down to the size of your room.

Selling things you love to make sure no one has to suffer for your benefit.

Being motivated to get back on track in your room but being frozen when you get to the door.

A friend asking you to hangout becomes the worst feeling in the world.

Not because you don’t want to, but because you do and instead you have to explain the reason you can’t.

Becoming comfortable in this cocoon until you remember again what life was before it stopped.

You used to whine about having to go shopping.

But now that you crave it, the ability to do it is gone.

Losing friends. You understand why you lost them but thought maybe a few would understand.

Missing the important things in life.

Wondering how you would setup the FaceTime call if your family was dying in the hospital.

People telling you that it’s only temporary.

But it already feels like the life you lived before was the temporary thing.

That this is your life now.

The only thing you can do is hold on to what that previous life felt like and work your way back to it however means necessary.

Surely, this can’t be your life now.

You won’t allow it.