Concerta made me suicidal. Now I am off of meds and school is even worse.

So this was my first experience with meds. For the first time my short term memory actually worked and I was able to feel normal and socilize. I could remember what was said in class and what I wrote down for the first time in my life. Then it made me have the worst depression of my life, almost driving me to do the deed. I went to this subreddit and asked around and decided to consult my psychiatrist. He told me to stop. Now everything is so hard. Focus is impossible right now. Im sorry if it seems like I am making myself to be a victim, its just I have such lofty goals and now no way to achieve them. Im so frustrated.