Where do I pour it?

Now that our story ended.... where do i pour all the love that was meant for you? masyado din kase akong OA eh... pinapangunahan ko lahat, wala pa nga, may 5 months advance gift nako.... di ko na pwede i myday yung mga videos na na edit ko dedicated every monthsary naten... as much as i would love to give the gifts i have for the people that surrounds us..., I don't want to break the "No Contact"

"I'm hooome, ingat ka sa work mooo, Don't miss a meal okaaay? I love youu! mwaaa "

wala na ako ma update, ma sendan ng reals or cute pictures ng mga pets... wla na ako makakasama pag may bagong cafe... wala na ako kasamang mag build... the things I do when I'm in love... i get creative.. i get excited giving small gifts, personalized gifts... i feel happy giving gifts that makes you happy...

part of me still wants to.... but the sadness in me can't do it anymore... everything fun seems sad without you... every cafe, every spot reminds me of you... whenever may chika or hectic sa work, wala na ako mapagkwentuhan.... it's not just the routine that's gone, it's also the future that I imagined with you... yung almost half a month kong naplano... out of town, out of country... ako nalang yun magisa... itutuloy ko pa ba?

kanino nako magsusumbong kapag pagod na pagod na ako?

wala pa akong lakas ng loob para alisin ka sa buhay ko... in denial pa ako, ayoko pa alisin pictures mo sa locker, sa likod ng phone ko.. sa wallet... baket?

I'm not hoping for you to come back... minsan naisip ko sa sobrang biglaan, di makasabay yung puso ko... di ko pa tanggap... kahit na galit ako sayo, mas nangingibabaw parin pagmamahal ko... siguro gsto ko lang din masaktan sarili ko, para lang maipamukha na wala ka na talaga sa buhay ko.... at kahit anong gawin ko, di na yun magbabago.... so where do I pour it? all the sadness...

nagtatago ako sa mga platforms na alam kong wala ka... coz it's the only way i feel safe expressing myself.. at least i have somewhere to pour it...