I dont know what to do anymore

Before I start I want to say I never originally wanted to go to college. My mom talked me into it cause it was a free college that I could get my associates degree in Graphic design. I signed up but the college shut down before I could finish. I was 2 classes away from finishing. I then switch to a new college which forced me into a bachelor's degree. After a year and a half of that I started loosing motivation and now...im lost. Its been 4 years since I started college for an associates and I still have nothing to show. Im about to fail college and I get nothing for all the work I've done. I also just recently lost a family member so that's not helping either. At this point I wonder if disappearing would be best. I failed. My mom and older brother have their degrees. My youngest sister is about to go for hers and im the only one in my family who has gone to college and failed. Im a huge disappointment and they dont even know yet. Nobody knows ive failed yet. They all think im doing so well and college is going good. I feel so sick. Ive already failed classes and been through the process of getting back into classes. They won't take me back a second time. I honestly dont know what else to do.