Idk I just need to vent

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Hello whoever may read this, i'm 18(F). This may come out as a whole lot of bullshit and i apologize i just have so much on my chest that i need to talk about.

recently i was sexually assaulted by my younger brother. My mom did nothing about it. I can't get a job. I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm broke. My boyfriend buys me everything and i think he's getting sick of me. My mom hates me. My siblings think im a bum. Nobody believes that im trying. I haven't showered in a week and i haven't brushed my teeth in weeks. I'm tired. I can't sleep anymore. I'm cutting myself again. I want to kill myself. I just lost all my friends because i attempted and they misunderstood. I'm an alcoholic. I see no point in living. I'm in pain. I sit in my bed all day. I'm over eating until my stomach physically hurts as a way to self harm. I haven't made any appointments or plans. I want to die.

I'm literally a nobody. I'm a lazy, ugly, disgusting nobody. I'm not asking for pity or sympathy or anything like that. i'm not going to amount to anything. I basically have no talent or passion. my only hobby is drawing and i literally suck. I use my bf. I'm a porn addict. I don't have my license.

I see no way out of this. Everything feels pointless and hard. I know i'm going to die to suicide one day it's just a matter of when. I've thought about it so much. I day dream about doing it in every way. I want to. I want to kill myself and leave nothing behind. Like i never existed. I'm just a burden who takes up oxygen and food. i don't imagine the after life would be very different to what im doing now. Also this wasn't my brothers doing, I've felt this way for a very long time, that happening just snapped me out of whatever mania i was living in and made me realize wha kind of world this is. I don't want to be here.

thank you for coming to my ted talk!