First trip in 2 years and I came back thinking differently about pain

TLDR version below.

So I’ve tripped around 4 or 5 times total. Tried Golden Teachers, Golden Hawks, and McKennaii, and my biggest dose was 6g of Golden Hawks. That was probably the most life-changing trip I’ve ever had. Full ego death, felt like I left my body, saw my room from above, felt like I was moving through different dimensions, then came back with no idea why I was even here again. I could writer a book about that experience honestly.

That trip scared me so much that I didn’t touch mushrooms again for 2 years. But it also changed my life in a good way. I started therapy, stopped obsessing so much over money / work / all the usual system stuff, and started focusing more on myself and what actually feels real.

So yesterday was my first trip in a long time. I took 3g of MVP as lemon tek, filtered out the mushroom bits, mixed it with a fruit shake, and it actually tasted really good. It hit in about 30 to 40 minutes and the peak lasted around 2.5 hours.

The trip itself came in heavy waves. Sometimes I felt amazing, had nice visuals, and got lost in electronic music. Then suddenly I’d get hit with sadness, exhaustion, and that weird feeling of being dragged back into reality. Time felt insanely slow too.

Turned out I was also really physically tired before I even took them (i felt great before the peak started tho). I’d been awake since 7 AM, defended my engineering degree that day!!, walked my dog a bunch, cleaned the house, did laundry, went shopping, all of that. So most of the peak I was just curled up on the couch going inward. I can't even tell if that was a bad trip, because I wasn't scared but really, really extremely exhausted. The word exhausted isnt even enough.

The biggest thing I got from it was this: ego is weird as hell, and I still care way too much about being judged. I also felt this deep sadness about how much pain people carry in general.

But the strangest moment was with a candle. I did something stupid and put my finger into the flame for a few seconds. I’m not saying anyone should do that. What shocked me was that I barely felt pain in the moment, and my finger was basically fine right after.

That messed with my head in a deep way. It made me feel like physical pain and mental pain are two completely different things. Physical pain suddenly felt like something that belongs to the body, like part of being temporarily attached to this form. But mental pain felt deeper than that.

It left me thinking maybe the soul is older than the body. Maybe we move through different bodies, different lives, different “connectors,” and physical pain is just part of being here. But psychological pain might be the real thing we’re here to work on, heal, and understand.

I’m 22, but sometimes I genuinely feel like my soul has already been through a lot. I don’t know if that means anything or if it sounds stupid. I still have no answer for why we’re here or why we’re conscious at all. But after this trip, I feel even more strongly that if we are here for any reason, then maybe it’s to make our mind, ego, and soul a little better while we can.

Just wanted to share in case anyone else has had similar thoughts.

But yeah, that thing with flame was probably very stupid at the time. Anyways, my finger feels perfectly good.

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TL;DR*: I’ve tripped a few times before, but yesterday I took 3g MVP lemon tek after a 2-year break. The trip brought back a lot of thoughts about ego, fear of judgment, and pain. The weirdest part was realizing how different physical pain feels from mental pain, and it left me thinking maybe the body suffers one way, but the soul is here to heal in another.*