I left my BF in a foreign country, in a city he didn't know and took the first train out, before breaking up with him

This is about my previous relationship that was 7 years long. I F26 (at the time of the story), BF26. Our parents are friends, so we have known each other all our lives. I don't need advise this had happen and I gon on with my life, I merely want to vent and share a story that I can't believe happened. I recently read back text mesages from that time and the memories flooded back.

I was close to doing a gap year for university in a country with a very different language and culture. We had agreed on regular communication, so as not to repeat the fiasco while he was abroad, where we hardly spoke for 6 months. The seventh year of the relationship was underway. Back then, I thought how great our relationship was going and that things were looking up, which in hindsight was only for 3–4 months of "good" times.

Different country, new routine, making friends (which at the time I thought was impossible because who would want to spend time with me, not even my boyfriend wanted to without me begging). I had made friends with 2 guys (26 & 33) and 2 girls (19 & 25). They would ask me daily what we would do after language school, depending on availability. I was quite overwhelmed at first because I went from hermit crab (COVID) to social butterfly, as it seemed. They enjoyed my company and wanted to hang out with me.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend did not communicate regularly and would come late to scheduled FaceTimes. It got to the point that I told myself I would enjoy my time with my friends, and if he called me and I had time in that moment, we could talk. He didn’t call, and I went on with my life without regular communication with my boyfriend.

The two guys I was closest to (due to similar age and the lowest language barrier) were a little concerned about my relationship but supported my loyalty.

A month before my boyfriend was about to visit, I asked him to buy shampoo (only available in our country) and three other items. I made sure to send pictures and the exact names of the items. I told him in advance so he would have time to buy them. Unfortunately, he got 2 of the 4 items wrong and excused it by saying he didn’t have time. He unfortunately didn’t ask the shop staff, and I was quite upset, as those were the only items I needed and I could not get them where I was. He sent me the bill for the items after the talk, we had about me being upset he hadn't bought the right items. Luckily, a friend of mine was coming to visit me and immediately bought all the items I wanted.

Tension was high due to the lack of communication with my boyfriend and his lack of care. I cried myself to sleep after I called him with exciting news (26-year-old and 25-year-old were dating). We hadn’t talked in weeks, but when I called, he was at a party, pretended to listen, and halfway through my story I realised he wasn’t paying attention and gave up. I told him he could call me when he had time. Which he didn’t.

He decided to come to the country I was in without exchanging money (reason: I had the currency which I was earning with my part-time job), or to get a travel SIM (reason: I had a local SIM). I took multiple trains to get to his airport to pick him up, even the expensive airport train, because he didn’t want to do the journey alone and meet in the city where we had a hotel.

After 6 months of not seeing each other, he was very different, as was I. I had lost 10 kg (quite common for the country I was in, had smaller portion sizes and lots of walking). He had put on a little muscle, and I know he was partying and smoking way more since I was abroad. He now had a routine where he would do push-ups before bed and after waking up. Previous attempts to do sports together always failed because he didn’t want to, so I just did my own exercise and joined a sports team.

Our second location of our trip: I started to feel a little unwell, but we continued on to our third location. As I don’t drink alcohol but I wanted him to experience the nightlife, the 33-year-old guy friend decided to meet us in the third location. We partied until 3 AM.

Knowing my boyfriend, I asked him if he needed to sleep in. I said I was fine with that and I would just go sightseeing with guy friend 33. He insisted he would meet us at 11, which I double and triple checked, as he usually struggles to get out of bed before 12:00/13:00/14:00 depending on the night out. Guy friend 33 and I went out in the morning and didn’t plan too much, as my boyfriend said he would meet us at 11:00. I expressed my doubts and suspicions that he would probably not get to us until 13:00 but was hopeful. My guy friend didn’t really believe he would be that late.

It was worse than expected. We sat and waited at the meeting point at 11:00. Nothing. No text. No nothing. An hour passed and we were getting hungry and frustrated, so we went to a nearby café for coffee and cake, making sure we didn’t eat too much so we could have lunch once he came. All the while trying to call or text him in the hope he would wake up.

At 13:15, the first sign of life. A text: “I’m awake.” No “sorry,” no “Oh no, I overslept.” I was so mad I didn’t call him and waited for him to call me. At 13:30 he called me to ask where we were. Again, no sorry. I said we were waiting in a café nearby where we agreed to meet, as we were waiting for him since 11:00. He casually said, “OK, on my way there.” I guess something sparked in his brain because just before ending the conversation, he asked, “Are you mad?” I bluntly said, “Yes, of course I am. Get here as soon as you can.”

14:00 he made it to our location. I ushered him in the direction of the planned activity we had wanted to do at 11:00. He complained that he was hungry; I told him he would have to wait until we got to the location. Fortunately for him, while walking, I was getting increasingly lethargic and guy friend suggested we stop in a restaurant for me to rest and BF to eat. I didn’t eat because I had zero appetite and was struggling to sit straight. My boyfriend happily ate his curry and my guy friend noticed I looked feverish.

After eating, my guy friend suggested we call it a day and take the bus back to the hotel, as I was obviously feeling unwell. My boyfriend had forgotten his wallet in the hotel, so I had to pay for his meal.

At the hotel, my guy friend said he would head back to the city where we went to school and wished me a speedy recovery. I asked my boyfriend to go to the nearest convenience store (100 m away) and buy me a thermometer and an electrolyte drink. My guy friend was texting me for updates on whether I had a fever or not. My boyfriend was scared of going alone as we were in a foreign country and he had no SIM to Google Translate his way through it. I coached him and explained where he would find the items and what they looked like, as asking the shopkeeper wasn’t an option (foreign language = scary). I told him to Google a picture of the items, screenshot them, and show them to the shopkeeper with a question mark face. He then realised he didn’t have cash on him. I gave him my wallet and local bank card and explained the process. (He had previously used his card at an ATM but I guess he was stressed)

He then needed to take a poo (Detailed information of the interaction in the text thread with my friend, as he was wondering why it was taking so long to check my temperature). He left the hotel, returned, realised he forgot all means of paying, and left again. This whole process took him 50 minutes to leave the hotel for real. Surprisingly, he did manage to buy both items. I took my temperature and I was so close to a dangerous level. Looking back on the texts, I could have been in serious trouble. However, in my condition, I wasn’t about to drag myself to an emergency room in a foreign language with no moral support. My friend regularly texted me to make me check my temperature and gave tips on what to do.

Now my boyfriend and I had only two full days planned in the city and it wasn’t looking like I could go out tomorrow. So I explained the route to take and what to look at. The next day before he left, I asked him to buy light foods and more drinks. My boyfriend suggested taking my phone so he could travel with internet, but I refused as I would be stuck in the hotel all day and might need to call emergency services. My temperature was still quite high.

When my guy friend 26 found out my boyfriend left me in the hotel with a fever, he was furious. Both my guy friends texted me throughout the day to entertain me and ask how I was. My boyfriend texted me once that day, after the first sightseeing location.

My boyfriend came back in the evening and I wondered how his day went, as he had not kept me up to date.

Now the day after was the second part of my boyfriend’s belated birthday gift. ( I had sent him an expensive postal package for his birthday). I had organised a whole route and tour of hidden gems and tourist places. The initial plan was for me to tour guide him, but my temperature was still quite high. I explained the plan and sent him the documents. I hadn't written down lunch plans because I wanted to play it by ear. I forgot to write down this detail in my delirium. I asked him to text me a bit more during the day. He was upset that I wouldn’t be tour guiding him and got snarky. He didn’t text me once in the 8 hours he was out. Again, my friends were texting me regularly.

He returned HANGRY. As lunch wasn’t on my itinerary, he had skipped it and the last stop was a tourist area. The hunger and crowds pissed him off extremely. I asked him why he hadn't texted me, as I was of the impression he could have found public wifi but he said he couldn't.

I was sick of lying down all day, so I put a mask on to go out to a street market with him, so he could eat. I still didn't have an appetite. I made a face at the free Wifi signs we saw along the way, but my boyfriend got mad at me and I didn't mention it further. My temperature was down, but I was weak from not eating anything.

As we were going to move to the next location the next day, I had planned to visit a place before taking the train to the next city. My boyfriend suggested skipping it so we could get to the next city early for the museums he want to visit. (I am not a fan of museums btw). I put my foot down and insisted we go.

It was recently my birthday, and his parents had given him money to take me out to dinner. I asked him to plan it. (He didn't really plan dates and I thought it be a good opportunity). On the train he showed me a sushi restaurant. Sushi was his favourite food. I enjoyed sushi, but it wasn’t my favourite. I mentioned I hadn’t eaten for 2 days and raw fish wasn’t good on an empty stomach, and that it would be nice to go somewhere with my favourite food. He was very upset. We postponed the discussion.

On the way from one museum to the next, the conversation continued and I was surprised that he struggled to know my favourite food. He was upset that he had to plan my birthday dinner when he had already given me my present, and this was a present from his parents. He didn't understand why he was stuck with the extra effort. He used this time to mention that his birthday gift was shite.

In front of the museum, I wanted to finish the discussion before entering the museum so we could enjoy it. So we sat on the nearby bench where I asked him to explain his side of the issue. As it was my turn to explain, he got mad and stood up and walked away. I asked him why I couldn't say my side now. He yelled “I will enter now! You will go home!” like ordering a dog. I watched in disbelief as he walked the path towards the museum. I saw him stand in line for tickets and enter the exposition. Until he truly was out of sight, I hoped he would come back out and apologise for the outburst. 

I stood up and walked towards the hotel. He had said “go home!” and I knew he meant the hotel, but my home in this country was two cities away. I called my guy friend (33), crying and explaining the situation. I told him about my devious plan to take the next train to the city we currently lived in. He agreed with me. I told him it was just a stupid idea and I would never do such a thing. I would wait in the hotel like I usually would at home. He beckoned me to take the next train.

I made up excuses why I couldn’t leave my boyfriend alone in a strange city he didn’t know. My friend mentioned he had left me in a strange city alone first. I did everything to postpone leaving the hotel and going towards the train station in the hopes my boyfriend would stop me in my tracks. I went to an ATM to leave money (more than enough for him to take the train to my city or to the next hotel we had booked) for my boyfriend, as I didn’t know how much he had with him. I packed my bags slowly and made my way to the train station.

My friend had to go to his shift at work, but he told me to go through with this plan and to make sure to see it through. He told me to call the others in our group if I needed moral support.

At the train station, I procrastinated, and two hours after the museum incident, I got a text from my boyfriend. I had texted him, against the judgment of my friend, that “I am going home (city name).” He texted me to wait for him, that he was on his way. I was freaking out and called my friend 26; he didn’t pick up the phone. I called girl 25. No answer. I called girl 19. No answer. I even called an additional friend 21, who was partially involved with our group. Again, no answer. My resolve was crumbling. I tried calling again and finally got friend 21 on the phone. I asked him to pass me to friend 26.

Friend 26 is a no-nonsense kind of guy. He is the big-brother type to all the girls in our group. He stayed on the phone with me until I was on the train and told me to turn off my phone during the journey.

Three hours later, as I arrived in my city, friends 26, 25, 21, 19, and even 33 (who asked a colleague for a favour to swap shifts at the last minute) stood there to pick me up from the station. I had quietly cried the train ride home, but in that moment, I had never felt my heart so full. 26, 25, 21, and 19 had bought ingredients to cook my favourite meal. All of them had little experience cooking (friend 33 and I usually did the food shopping and cooking). People who had known me for six months knew my favourite food, but not my boyfriend of seven years (who has known me all my life).

The next day I turned on my phone and my boyfriend texted me at 11 asking if he should come to me or what the plan was. I told him I wanted him to decide what he would like to do. After back and forth, with no hints from me (I obviously wanted him to take the train to me; I would have loved him to take the train after mine the day before, or the first train in the morning), close to 13:00 he finally decided to take the train to my city.

I agreed to meet him in a family diner near the station to discuss our relationship. I had the whole morning to write notes on what to discuss, what had upset me, and what I would consider a sign we could continue the relationship. At this point, I still had hope. All I wanted was that he would say, “We can work through this together.”

So there I sat with my notepad and asked him to start with his side of the story, as I didn’t want to influence his response. He felt uncomfortable with me having a notepad. I explained I didn’t want to lose my temper and interrupt his explanations, so I would take notes and would comment on parts in my turn to speak.

Oh, he spoke. He told me how I was the worst person to leave him in a strange city in a country he didn’t know. How I was a psycho for ghosting him (as I had my phone off the evening before). That I was mentally unwell. Distanced from reality and letting my new friends sabotage our relationship. How I was entitled to have asked him to plan my birthday dinner, and his friends agreed with him on what a b-word I was. How dare I tell him he was stupid for even suggesting the sushi restaurant. (Not how I remember it, but I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle.)

I sat and listened, taking my notes, as what I thought was the love of my life called me mentally unwell. As calmly as I could muster, I went through my notes. I willed myself not to cry. After the talk, I still hadn’t given up hope (oh, I was delulu, alright, but not the way my ex was thinking).

I said I wanted a chat tomorrow, same place, after we both had time to think.

The second chat didn’t go any better, and we agreed he could look for a hotel in my sharehouse (for the WiFi). As I sat and watched him researching, I remembered him saying that his friends thought I was entitled and a b-word. I asked him to explain how he had explained the story to them. His version was that I screamed at him and called him names, which I can guarantee I didn’t scream, as we had this talk on the train, and that is a total no-go in the country we were in. I would never disrespect the culture that way.

I explained how I remembered it and decided in that moment.

“You know what, if I am not a F yes for you. Someone you want to fight for. Someone you don't want to lose... If I am not a F yes, I’m a no.”

He was speechless.

I told him I wanted to break up.

He respected my verdict, and we wished each other well. We cried and hugged one last time, and he left my sharehouse.

The week he had left in the country, he went to the capital city and did sightseeing.

Ok, sorry this was extremely long. The drama didn’t end there, I can tell you that. Me taking that train was so against anything I had ever done before. It might have been dramatic and a little nasty, but I think it was important for my self-love.