My (29f) partner (26m) keeps changing his mind about pregnancy and left while I’m suicidal — I feel completely destabilized

Me (29F) and my partner (26M) are dealing with an unplanned pregnancy on top of financial stress, shared housing, and both having mental health struggles.

When we first found out, he immediately said we should have an abortion because we’re not ready. I agreed and booked an appointment, even though I felt sad about it.

The day before the appointment, he changed his mind and said we should keep the baby. He said our circumstances aren’t an excuse and that people struggle all the time but still have kids and that the stuff about out finances, being in debt, living in shared housing are “bullshit excuses”. I tried to adjust to that mentally as I did feel morally conflicted and also felt like he wouldn’t support me in having the abortion anymore.

After that, I became extremely depressed and started feeling suicidal. I told him I don’t feel ready, that we’re not stable, and I was having panic attacks. After a breakdown, he said fine, rebook the abortion.

For context he has been working night shifts back to back and I haven’t really seen him much throughout this (baring in mind his night shifts are mainly just house sitting so he gets plenty of time to himself to think about everything) Three days ago he told me he wouldn’t reapply for his night shifts because he knew I needed him around due to how bad I’ve been feeling. Yesterday he slept most of the day, went out with a friend, and today I woke up to a message saying he’s leaving for 48 hours to “think for himself” about becoming a dad and whether he wants that role.

So in the space of days he’s gone from:

• abortion

• to keeping it

• to abortion again

• to now needing time alone to decide what he wants

All while I’ve told him I’ve been feeling suicidal.

I feel abandoned, confused, and emotionally exhausted. I don’t even know what the “right” decision is anymore because everything keeps shifting

Ado want to give him space to think but just don’t know how to process everything - I guess I am just looking for some reassurance but he is not able to give me any and rather would distance himself from me. How do I navigate a major decision like this when my partner keeps changing his position, and ?how do I protect my mental health in the middle of it