Running Away From My Problems

I have to be honest and say that I have an issue with running away from my problems. I am 22 years old and I feel like a burden on my family.

It started getting really bad after I quit working at Chuck E. Cheese in 2021. I started having panic attacks at work and couldn’t handle it anymore so I quit but I felt like I couldn’t tell my parents because “not working 5 days a week is lazy” so I would go and walk around in the woods instead to try and clear my mind, but things only kept getting worse. I didn’t tell my parents that I quit. After doing this for a couple weeks I made an excuse that I would rather focus on my senior year of high school and my parents were mad but they told me I could quit.

I was relieved with quitting that job but once summer after senior year rolled around they told me to get another job so I went to go work at an amusement park. I was there for a couple months and then did the same thing, quit and not tell my parents. I would just walk around to clear my mind. Then again after that I started community college and made the excuse that I want to focus on school.

I went to school for two semesters and it felt like hell everyday. I have severe misophonia and I could not stand all the sounds I was being subjected to (chewing, loud noises, bright lights) I completely failed my first semester and had to convince the school to let me stay so I went back for another semester for the same classes and failed again. Instead of telling my parents I totally flunked I just told them I was going to class for literally the next year and a half. I faked my certification and my parents totally bought it and told me how proud they were of me. For a while I stayed at home and again I had to find another job.

I worked at an auto parts store for over a year and loved everyone I worked with but again I just could not stand the noise and overstimulation so I just completely shut down and quit once again without telling my parents and now I find myself in the same situation.

I used to love taking walks but now I just sit in my car and get high all day to numb the pain.

I feel like my life is going of control and I feel like everyone is out to get me. Everything angers me and overstimulates me and I just want it all to go away. I genuinely don’t believe I will ever amount to anything and that I’m a deadbeat son. I hate everything and I don’t know if I can ever get better.