Urgent Advice to Move Overseas (19M, 19F)

I’m a 19M, and my girlfriend is 19F. We’ve been together for about three years. We met in high school when I was in Grade 11 and she was in Grade 10.

I’m currently in university in Canada, and she now lives in Spain with her family. Her parents moved from Canada to Spain in the summer of 2024. She was going into her Grade 12 year and decided to stay an extra year to complete school. At the time, she told everyone it was for her education, but it was also for me. From September 2024 to December 2025, we lived together at her parents’ house.

In November 2025, she made the decision to move back to Spain because she missed her family. Our relationship had become tense toward the end, and we were arguing more often, but we believed we could handle long distance because we had done it before during the summers of 2023 and 2024 when she visited her home country.

She’s now been gone for about three months. We originally planned that I would visit her in December, then moved it to February (her birthday month), but I didn’t have my passport at the time and I’m still in university. We agreed to push the visit to May.

Recently, we’ve been arguing about how long I should stay when I visit. She wants me to come for the entire summer. I told her I don’t think that’s realistic for me. She comes from a wealthier family, and I come from a low-income household. Before she left, we agreed we’d see each other every three months, but at that time I was doing better financially.

My family and I just moved into a new place, and now that I’m 19, I’m expected to contribute to rent. Because of that, I told her I could probably stay for about a month, but not the whole summer. She got upset.

I also have epilepsy, so I’d need to coordinate with my doctors before staying abroad that long. She told me healthcare is free in Spain and that I’d be fine since I’ve been stable recently. I think part of my hesitation is also that I’ve never left the country before, and I feel nervous being away from my family for that long.

She reminds me that she left her family for a year to stay with me in Canada. Recently, after another argument about flights, she said she doesn’t want to continue the relationship if I can only visit for short periods.

Another factor is that my family is going through a difficult time financially and emotionally. We’re not the healthiest household — there’s dysfunction and intense arguments — but I still feel responsible helping them right now. She says my household is toxic and that she’s offering me a way out by letting me stay with her and even study there (online or at an international school). She thinks I’m making excuses because I don’t want to see her.

That’s not true. I love her deeply and feel very attached to her. We’ve been through a lot together. I just don’t know if spending the entire summer there is financially smart or responsible for me right now.

I’m confused about whether I’m being reasonable or if I’m letting fear hold me back.