As a transbian I don’t know if there’s any hope for me 😭

If I’m being honest, I’m a picky person, especially romantically. Not necessarily by choice, I’ve just always had a hard time fitting in. I love making friends, I can make decent small talk, I’m just an introvert, and autistic. So when it comes to getting to know people on a deeper level, mainly romantically, I often find myself disenfranchised by habits I would’ve otherwise not have paid attention to. Either that, or I obsess over people so much that I put them on a pedestal, and it makes it hard to genuinely connect with them.

On top of that, I’m trans, so that automatically erases like half of my dating pool options. Furthermore, I’m not fully white, and I’ve found that among other trans women, who are most often white in these spaces- as it’s always easier to be openly white and queer- I feel I still can’t fully relate to them. The way I view my identity and appearance, in relation to being half-Latina, makes me feel fundamentally incompatible on a romantic level with trans women who can gracefully view the world through that privileged of a lens (even if I can pass as white).

I still don’t pass yet either, even if I think I’m generally fine looking enough. Appearance is a big part of culture, and I can just feel the eyes on me, even in queer spaces, because of how I look. I simply desire to be a lovely lesbian queering out but I feel fundamentally incapable of doing that. I just feel eternally left out, decent enough to be liked by some, but not on a deeper level. I feel ill-fitted even in my own communities, even in spaces that are supposed to be for people who are “left out”.