Troubles with my Cancer Woman

I am not sure if this is a discussion/question or a fucking rant 😭

I feel like I am losing it though

It’s gonna be long so I apologise in advance 😭

So I am a Libra with Taurus Moon. She’s a Cancer with Aquarius Moon. Anyone with similar placements? I wanna know how are you guys when you’re in love or when you like someone? What’s the idea of love for you aqua moons? How do you show care and support?

Coz let me tell you, the cancer woman I am seeing right now, we’re in a situationship type thingy but I am not sure really. We do talk about having a family and future together but she doesn’t really wanna commit. Whenever I talk about relationship or commitment, she says she won’t be able to commit but she can’t really deny if I propose cuz she doesn’t want to. This confuses me so freakin much.

We would sometimes meet and just sit in silence at a park, it feels serene. We both are not really sure why we keep meeting each other.

If you wanna know anything in terms of love languages..

Acts of service.. I do that for her, inconsistent from her side. In fact, she took money from me to get a job done for me. Later stopped picking calls or replying at crucial deadline. Explained how the person she sent for the job got into an accident (drunk driving) and refused to return me my money which btw I needed during the time, instead offering me some weed for the cash? (This incident is like a week old btw)

Quality time.. One on one time with good conversations..sure!

Gifts.. Over the past year, I’ve got 3 gifts (2 bracelets and a perfume bottle)

I have lost count of how many I have till date.

Physical Touch.. yeah sure, nothing more than hugs and kisses though!

Words of affirmation.. she has been a lot more communicative and reassuring recently than in the past for sure..

Although she lies more nowadays, over petty stuff, really really petty things.

The other day she dropped the L bomb on me which she has never done before btw..she was sleepy and deleted it in the morning.

Quite hot and cold but that’s always been the case.

She has addictions, alcohol, weed, other stuff as well sometimes

She had a guy bestf who liked her since long, she knew but didn’t ever deny him exactly, guy never admitted until he found out she’s been going on dates with someone, he didn’t know I was the date, the guy left for good, she used to meet him daily and do weed and shit

She made some new friends a month back and now that’s her go to place, she meets them almost everyday

Mostly all guys in the group, with many of them having a crush on her, which she says she denied but know tf knows?

I can’t trust her coz he has screwed up like infinite times now

This week she ditched date plans with me to go meet her friends, she never did this before, I was like wtf? Lied to me that she was at home and how her parents won’t let her out and I saw a story on insta (her friend’s acc) which had a story of them drinking and smoking on a beach!!

Says she’s home today coz of period cramps, I asked if I should send something, she denied which she never does, she never denies chocolate ice cream. And now I can’t reach her phone, neither she’s replying, so I am anxious coz she just might be out with het friends yet again. And also, I live 5km away from her, and her friends are like 35km away!

I am do fucking done and I really want her gone..it’s just I am confused and don’t wanna break her heart by cutting her off myself (coz I love her)