Life in blr

I lost everything . I broke my bf’s heart by cheating here in blr being in long distance . The guilt is killing me . The pg set up , the people , the lonliness all messed me up . After my heart surgery i should not be crying but i have no purpose left to live . I thought ill fix myself but nothing . Whatever i feared happened i broke his heart . What am i suppose to do ? I know i gave him pain i am in pain too what to do ?

Why in the world people in blr are soo messed up